How to cope at a funeral?
We understand that attending a funeral can sometimes make you feel uneasy. To overcome this feeling, it is important to address why you might be feeling this way, and then find the appropriate solution to calm your nerves.
One reason you may not want to attend is because you find social events overwhelming. On the other hand, you may start to feel lonely in big crowds, and the feeling of uncertainty in these situations can ruminate. As funerals can be difficult to deal with if you’re afraid of saying goodbye to a loved one. Expressing emotions within a crowd can be difficult for some people. All these reasons can leave someone to not even attend the funeral at all.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, anxiety at funerals have become a lot more common. Read on to find out why you might be getting these feelings, and the coping strategies for them.
How do I cope with anxiety at a funeral?
- Find a safe space at the service.
- Reach out to others, and find a support partner.
- Think of this as a way to celebrate your loved one’s life.
- Accept that no one will judge you for how much emotion you show.
- Speak to a funeral director about how you’re feeling.
Why am I scared to go to a funeral?
Understanding why you might be scared to go to a funeral is the first step to finding the appropriate coping strategy. Below we address some of the common reasons.
1. Social anxiety
Being overwhelmed by big crowds could mean you have social anxiety. This could’ve been influenced during the COVID-19 pandemic, as a majority of people haven’t seen family and friends in a long time. Therefore, funerals can make social anxiety symptoms flare up. Additionally, if you’re a direct family member, you may get the feeling that everyone is relying on you for support, or you might be nervous when speaking in front of crowds.
2. Feeling lonely
On the other hand, you could be nervous about the feeling of loneliness at the funeral and having no one to reach out to, whether you know those attending the service or not.
3. Saying goodbye to a loved one
You may choose to say goodbye to a loved one at a funeral, and even though this is a common situation, it still remains a difficult one.
4. Expressing emotions
We understand that expressing emotions can be difficult at a funeral, whether you’re scared of showing too much or none at all. You may ask yourself, what is the appropriate amount of expressing emotion is at a funeral? The feeling of judgement can ruminate. You may feel like you’re acting out of character.
5. Uncertainty
Another common worry we get at funerals is the uncertainty of one. If you’ve never attended a funeral service before, or haven’t in a long time, you may be worried about how the funeral is conducted and how the day might go.
Coping strategies at a funeral
1. Find a safe space at the service
As the overwhelming feeling of being in a crowd takes over, finding a safe space to have a personal break and socially recharge could be beneficial. You may want to communicate with people how you’re feeling and set boundaries for guests. Otherwise, funeral directors, ministers, etc, are here to help you find this space.
2. Reach out to others, and find a support partner
You could try finding a support partner. Understand that everyone is feeling the loss of a loved one and you should be there to support one another. We also have services we can offer to help you through the anxiety before and after the funeral, if you’re having trouble reaching out to others.
3. Think of this as a way to celebrate their life
Learn to celebrate their life rather than saying goodbye. Exchange your favourite stories about the loved one. They may be gone from sight, but they are never gone from your heart.
4. Accept that no one will judge you for how much emotion you show
You will not be judged for how much emotion you show, whether that’s none at all or a lot. If you’re scared of being emotional, learn to accept that it’s okay not to be okay, especially during this difficult time. On the other hand, if you’re thinking maybe you won’t show any emotion, this is okay too, as everyone has their own way of expressing their feelings and grieving.
5. Speak to your funeral director about how you’re feeling
If you feel you need some guidance, we are here to for support and to provide advice. We can also arrange external services to help you through the funeral service, as well as the difficult time of bereavement of a loved one.
Summary
Whilst you are processing these feelings, you are not alone. We understand that you may be feeling overwhelmed with grief, or maybe you feel numb from the loss. A funeral can sometimes encourage these feelings to worsen. However, whilst you celebrate the life of a loved one, there’s a lot of helpful resources and coping strategies for these. If you need any further guidance before, during or after the funeral service, please call us on 01254 503240 (Blackburn funeral directors) or 01772 428580 (Preston funeral directors). Alternatively, please visit one of our funeral homes. We are always happy to help.
